At The Royal Festival Hall. London. Yes the day has finally arrived where I have to miss the New York Dolls so I can see Lou Reed perform Metal Machine Music!! A day I thought would never happen let alone in 2010. What odds could you have got on that in say 1989 maybe 2 million to 1. Then a guy got on the tube with a red tea pot it's that sort of a day, I'm not sure if I have my head ready for this or not. But I'm sure some strong alcohol will sort that out, oh and a good smoke just along from Kevin Sheilds ought to do it. The main review is being written as the show unfolds so I can convey what the night is like and what it does to me as it happens, so i will now try to translate the hieroglyphs of my awful handwriting while stoned out of my brains. I'm sitting at the front of the cheap seats in a little more than half full hall, So I am a fair way back but refused to pay more to see Lou with a trio than it cost to see John Cale with a full orchestra in the same venue. There is some drone noise vacuum pump thing blaring over the tannoy before Lou and the boys arrive. On stage Is one massive gong, one massive drum, A Saxophone, 4 guitars, Keyboards, Effects and computers. I hope the mainly in the bizz music nut crowd is ready for what's to come. I have a double rum to keep me company on this voyage that is about to begin. This noise is mad!! Lou is joined in his trio by Ulrich Kreiger and Seth Calhoun, it's not quite as empty as the Albert Hall last time I saw Lou but there are empty seats all over the place, Lou's late and this noise just doesn't stop or change but it's tripping me out already. They take the stage to applause before starting. They stare at guitars feeding back, look at the drum start twiddling away pulsey rhythms open up my world in sound, Gong earthquake sheet of sound. Noise tyres squeal over tidal wave crash of reverb, give me the rum, ostrich guitar gives way to an exploding plastic inevitable mindfuck. Estrangement of my stomach as it is moving independent of my body, bewilderment of my body shaking revolving sax blurts in between the mess of noize. Ships horns in hell, whales collide screaming skronk begins reality dimensions of brain effluent of time signature. Jimi's star crucified. Quiet is worse than loud why? Troughs of sound make me numb paralysed as golgotha's signal strikes and down we go of deep despair castrati wail and wail in agony. Beyond everything people leave early, why did they come it said it was going to be Metal Machine Music what did they expect. Implosion implosion disposition distortion contortion of eruption. Eruptions of sounds so strange they begin to collapse my mind to hell why did you come if your going to leave early distortions fearless of worlds within this noise great dissension an a nightmare march to oblivion fleeing to other dimensions swaying above or below you. Aylers Ghost rises once more in the maelstrom. Rumble in the rubble of skronk skronk skronk!! Lou's standing by the amps once more. If you didn't want the headache why come. Strychnine meth amphetamine mephedrone super dilaudid dreams of a pcp encrusted world of opiated meth dreams of sleepwalking nightmare 7 day high no sleep till noise day. Screeds of what the hell ever over drone drum feedback medicine. You prefer spatial displacement of what this noise is doing to the cortex of my brain tympanic membrane could shatter or crumble to dust as shattering duels take place is that the amine b ring of hades lost control of my mind again. rumble beneath my sphincter shatter my perceptions in the crevices of my mind Good applause from the survivors of this sound trip. I walked out numb and struggling to walk and most of the faces were of the walking dead glad to have survived Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music Trio. Please let me know if this makes any sense at all.