Lou Reed’s Metal Machine Music Trio live at The Royal Festival Hall 19.4.10.

At The Royal Festival Hall. London.

Yes the day has finally arrived where I have to 
miss the New York Dolls so I can see Lou Reed 
perform Metal Machine Music!! A day I thought 
would never happen let alone in 2010. What odds 
could you have got on that in say 1989 maybe 2 
million to 1. Then a guy got on the tube with a 
red tea pot it's that sort of a day, I'm not 
sure if I have my head ready for this or not. 
But I'm sure some strong alcohol will sort that 
out, oh and a good smoke just along from Kevin 
Sheilds ought to do it.
The main review is being written as the show 
unfolds so I can convey what the night is like 
and what it does to me as it happens, so i will 
now try to translate the hieroglyphs of my awful 
handwriting while stoned out of my brains.
I'm sitting at the front of the cheap seats in a 
little more than half full hall, So I am a fair 
way back but refused to pay more to see Lou with 
a trio than it cost to see John Cale with a full 
orchestra in the same venue. 
There is some drone noise vacuum pump thing 
blaring over the tannoy before Lou and the boys 
arrive. On stage Is one massive gong, one 
massive drum, A Saxophone, 4 guitars, Keyboards, 
Effects and computers. I hope the mainly in the 
bizz music nut crowd is ready for what's to come.
I have a double rum to keep me company on this 
voyage that is about to begin. This noise is 
mad!!
Lou is joined in his trio by Ulrich Kreiger and 
Seth Calhoun, it's not quite as empty as the 
Albert Hall last time I saw Lou but there are 
empty seats all over the place, Lou's late and 
this noise just doesn't stop or change but it's 
tripping me out already.
They take the stage to applause before starting.
They stare at guitars feeding back, look at the 
drum start twiddling away pulsey rhythms open up 
my world in sound, Gong earthquake sheet of 
sound. Noise tyres squeal over tidal wave crash 
of reverb, give me the rum, ostrich guitar gives 
way to an exploding plastic inevitable mindfuck.
Estrangement of my stomach as it is moving 
independent of my body, bewilderment of my body 
shaking revolving sax blurts in between the mess 
of noize.
Ships horns in hell, whales collide screaming 
skronk begins reality dimensions of brain 
effluent of time signature. Jimi's star 
crucified. Quiet is worse than loud why? Troughs 
of sound make me numb paralysed as golgotha's 
signal strikes and down we go of deep despair 
castrati wail and wail in agony. Beyond 
everything people leave early, why did they come 
it said it was going to be Metal Machine Music 
what did they expect.
Implosion implosion disposition distortion 
contortion of eruption. Eruptions of sounds so 
strange they begin to collapse my mind to hell 
why did you come if your going to leave early 
distortions fearless of worlds within this 
noise great dissension an a nightmare march to 
oblivion fleeing to other dimensions swaying 
above or below you. Aylers Ghost rises once more 
in the maelstrom. Rumble in the rubble of skronk 
skronk skronk!! Lou's standing by the amps once 
more. If you didn't want the headache why come. 
Strychnine meth amphetamine mephedrone super 
dilaudid dreams of a pcp encrusted world of 
opiated  meth dreams of sleepwalking nightmare 7 
day high no sleep till noise day. Screeds of 
what the hell ever over drone drum feedback 
medicine. You prefer spatial displacement of 
what this noise is doing to the cortex of my 
brain tympanic membrane could shatter or crumble 
to dust as shattering duels take place is that 
the amine b ring of hades lost control of my 
mind again. rumble beneath my sphincter shatter 
my perceptions in the crevices of my mind
Good applause from the survivors of this sound 
trip.
I walked out numb and struggling to walk and 
most of the faces were of the walking dead glad 
to have survived Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music 
Trio. Please let me know if this makes any sense 
at all.